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Wings of Mermaid4 July strange muse5 star hotel is all very well, but could not even start to compete with your arms so strong and warm and safe and so much like home... life is strange in a way that it never stops to be baffling, lol. every time you think you've figured something out, something else pops out to poke its tongue at you. I can never get the true meaning of friends, are they there to make your life more fun or more miserable? are they there to be nice or difficult? how come they always start out as nice and then get neurotic? are you supposed to feel better about yourself whenever they are around or worse? if you can never keep a friend does that make you a bad person? and the way you seem to have a way of making me feel so good about myself... like no one had ever done before you... what if you walk away one day? how would I feel about myself then? if forever is a myth and there is only NOW, what we have now is already forever... then I should stop worrying about it and just shut up and be happy that I have you now like you could not pause a firework or hope to immobilise a flowing river let this present moment of Joy explode like the spray of the Bridalveil Fall it's not possible to postpone a laughter neither is it possible to laugh for forever just laugh out now and be done with it and know that you have laughed that you have lived then when you lie down to rest there will be no tears of regret only tears of hilarity of the divine comedy of Being... being this or being that... it matters not when this and that are all one and the same and when you kiss me I have but kissed myself yet it feels so good to think that I could kiss the one eternal being that's beyond kiss-able-ness had it not being for you to kiss oneself one needs to be two in this duality serves its only purpose let's kiss oh yes, let's. 3 June Number 1303-06-08 Christ as the number 13 for me represents the sum total of the whole. The 12 disciples might as well be 12 aspects of the self (of the old world) but the 13th, as the Christ Consciousness, is the sum total of Spirit. To look and contemplate on the number 13 thus bypass the 12 and concentrate on the Spirit as the whole. Whatever our past programming, the way to step out of its influence is to step out of the personality and step into the God self. Once we truly realize that we are NOT just that little girl at the age of 15, 16, 20 deciding she knew the only way for our life to work out, we cease to be included in her version of reality. We are very much the creation of our old believes until we shift out of that focus and concentrate on the God Self who IS everything. Once we realized we don't have to be just "this person this way", we can be anything and everything. It is truly time to re-invent ourselves. Throw the old mold away that we thought was "the best or the only safe way" to represent ourselves and pick a entirely new perspective. We are only limited by our lack of imagination. To play safe is to play small. Christ did not play small, he played huge! So huge he now represents the entire consciousness of creation. He would be the first person to tell us that we are not our disability (old belief system manifested). We are not the crippled, not the blind, not the prostitute that we thought we were; not even death should have the power to prevent us from truly living. To realize that our life up to this moment in time is nothing but a thought form materialized, is to be liberated from that limited manifestation. To embody the number 13, the one invisible to our everyday consciousness (the system of 12), the one power beyond this world's control, is to step up into who we really are and reclaim the field of self creation. Create yourself anew, outside of any known rules (old believes), and to truly live, for the first time, as the creator of your own universe. To live number 13 is to break the rules of old programming and live the taboo (number 13) of new freedom. Jesus Christ probably broke all the rules of his time in order to present to us a new way. He told us we are not who we thought we were yet much much more. by Vera Lin 12 April spirit waterIt occurs to me that if God is the ocean, life is the river And we, as the son of God, is one and the same with the spirit water It seems that I have been going through life jumping from boat to boat thinking that's what I need to stay afloat could you imagine anything more outrageously funny than a mermaid in a boat? All the people that I had grasped or tried to grasp in the past are my various boats, strong or week or even leaking, someone that I thought my very life must depend on for Love for Meaning for Life itself never once had I suspected that I am spirit water one and the same with the river itself, the ocean itself I will wait for no boat no more today I will jump off the shore into the river and feel myself m e l t into the entire ocean 15 February Be My ValentineEvery time I walked close to someone so close eventually I bumped my head into something hard a screen that played this movie of this person I dreamed up oh, it's not a real person after all no wonder my hands reaching out could never really touch anything substantial no wonder no matter how fast I move towards them I could never really reach anyone of all the people I see they are but images inside a screen I know now I could never hope to reach out and reach anything I stop for I am finally tired of trying someone giggles no no no he is not out there he is in here inside me I open my arms really wide and hug myself "oh it's you" "Why do I keep forgetting about YOU?" He hugs me back right inside and says, "It's ok my love for I never never forget about you." I close my eyes so as to see HIM better I close my ears so as to hear HIM better and I hear the faint, delicate yet unmistakable music of the spheres I lie down all by myself and yet with him and sign with relief for the journey IS over "Be my valentine, my Lord." by Vera Lin 8 December The Gist and The Onerummaging through my drawer and found this note to myself: 31/03/2007 Apia The Gist Last night I dreamed that I was trying to find a road called The Gist on the map. My car engine is running, ready to go. All I need to do now is trying to make sense of the map and find that road called The Gist. (Which I believe was the following insight that I scribbled down on the same piece of hotel note paper) The One I've found "The One"! It is never a single, fragmented individual, a person more special above and apart from the rest. It is the One that constitutes the All, the One that presents HIMSELF at once in every face I behold and in every person I encounter. We could never single out one person and still hope to capture the Love that exists only as a whole. In fact, the moment we single out one person is the moment that Love could not help but elude us. If God was a person and we were his appendages, could we fall in love with a person's ring finger and at the moment of amputating it out for our special love, still hope to capture the essence of the entire person? To the contrary, it is when we love all of the person's appendages, facades and various aspects then we truly love. Love the God that show Himself to you in everyone you meet, only then could you begin to love. 30 November Donna DonnaYou know the old song Donna Donna? (one I loved to sing when I was a teenager) "On a wagon bound for market There's a calf with a mournful eye. High above him there's a swallow Winging swiftly through the sky" "Calves are easily bound and slaughtered Never knowing the reason why. But whoever treasures freedom, Like the swallow must learn to fly" "How the winds are laughing They laugh with all their might Laugh and laugh the whole day through And half the summer's night" Whoever sees himself as a body must forever remain a calf. Whoever identifies himself as a Spirit then becomes a swallow. I used to think the Winds are cruel for laughing but perhaps they are laughing with tears being once the souls of the helpless calves it's the laughter after the obliteration of endless karmas the mirth at its final weightless simplicity the jibing at those still strapped by mere shells the eternal sunshine of the spotless mindThe eternal sunshine of the spotless mind it feels wierd using someone else's words but what better way to put it for the same exquisite texture of pure-ness like the eternal sunshine on the spotless mind the stillness of it the brightness makes me want to half shut my eyes just thinking of it that's how He would look if I just shut my eyes long enough and look in the endless and limitless white when you finally remember the kind of falling that's more like flying into His arms to a safety that spells FOREVER and sigh of happiness afterall 25 September ask"Ask how your mind serve you"
a note scribbled down on the sleeve of a man in the
dream..... 30 November dream loversSilence has you when you screech in the pain of rememberance and the stars fall from the sky he lits up a cigarette and waits the script writer unplugs his phone which constantly rings with requests for happy endings don't they know it is in the tears that the souls find freedom that the lakes get filled with the wine of life he lits up a cigarettes and waits for the faintest tremble that says she is dreaming of him so many life times away she looks at the stars and signs if the night could grow all around her and wisk her away she doesn't want to remember anything yet she's too scared lest she would forget he lits up a cigarette and waits let the serpent swallows its own tale and the beginning disolves in the end again and again it folds and unfolds still she stays she says if it takes eternities to find my way to you then I will begin today if it is in the yesterday where I could release you then let me backtrack he lits up a cigarettes and waits till the wind whispers in his ears that she comes when he sleeps and when he fights his way through the night's oblivion he sees her shining the way so it is in the dreams the boundaries collapse and the lovers embrace till the end with no ends with no end 23 September turnif we are all where we should be, at this place, at this time, and that all is perfect the emptiness of the inner landscape is in fact my destination and i am already here i am already here and there's no one else around like i thought there would here, all alone, i've arrived then i remember to close my eyes and turn into inner reality out of the silece, there comes music out of the emptiness, there come colours and visions out of the aloneness, there come You alas, you have always been there like i have always been here just waiting for me to turn around and turn into the vastness that is you 12 September the jade lakeThe jade lake is shimmering with the warm aftereffect of the sun lazily it stretches even more fully into the curves of the rocky land that hugs it it has been a good day earlier, some humans were here they dipped into the warm clear water and had a jolly time Jade could feel the buzzing electric coming off some of them particularly from one of the males towards one of the females she didn't know it until the jade lake helped Jade swirled and twirled wraping all the loving energy around them without losing even a tiny bit until the water around them were literally sparkling with the intensity that's when the females's eyes lit up and truly saw the shy and quiet man as for the first time such a thing as old Jade loves to bear witness to it tickles him and his unaudible giggles reverberates around the valley bouncing off the surrounding hills and sends shivers to the numerous trees' spines flocks of birds took to the sky chirping with excitement as if the trees had set them off like party crackers however of one of the humans the jade lake took extra care she was sad and merely sat by the bank her long black hair swayed along her thin face yet through the shallow water dancing around her feet Jade knew all about her about how her heart was broken and how it was slow to mend about her disappointments and also about her dreams she was a curious creature this young female Jade knew despite all of her self-doubt she was a lioness in spirit and goddess in disguise even the animals sensed her presence and sent a butterfly to take a closer look "Had she only known what she would become in a few years when her time comes!" pondered the jade lake. yet one must not interfere with the natural course of it all. with all of his best wishes Jade sent her hope he wraped a gentle web of love and protection around her and saw her smiled her eyes reflected the twinkles of the shining lake and she greeted the butterfly with a child's laughter thus all was well sighed the jade lake happily and snuggled up to the rocky bank for a little nap 5 September red silk flyThe Red Silk The red silk scarf is waving from the tree branch where it was caught waving in the wind like a lover's beckoning to fly together away It is a door in the blackest space painted bright red by lovers' blood in the sacred sacrifice of worship to Love Itself Must there be a reason to die? like, must there be a reason to love? must there be a reason for a perfect red silk to be waving from the leafless tree branch must there be a why? yes, must there be a reason why she must throw herself off the cliff of the loveless tower in the jungle of cold concret and even colder regrets? she only wanted to fly.... she only wanted to fly.... and if to fly one must die then she did not hesitate did she thus she flys a perfect piece of bright red chinese silk flys and she is waving to me from among the leafless tree branches as I look out of the window she winks and she laughs and she walks tiptoed on the highest tip of the tree she loves it so much when the wind plays with her long jet black hair she is giggling her heart out while beckoning me to come to fly with her and i shall 24 July whenWhen there's no more drama no more "happenings" what then is there? when we finally drop all of our endless distractions what do we end up facing? when we no longer need to go on yet another quest when we realize we are our own end goal when there's no more time but now no where but here when the ending finally circle back to its own beginning the great serpent swallows its own tail onto itself onto itself what then? 21 April ...miserable beautiful creature/ vera lin the lies we tell ourselves spinning our spider's web to keep us sane oh what a prey! may the truth's be tightly wrapped, fiercely guarded, rendered unconscious, and swallowed in unrecognisable pieces if necessary what our mind does not know could not hurt us, "look! everything is perfect as it is!" the humpback that lives, hidden in the catacomb of our beautiful, righteous cathedrals lurking in the dark causing nervous little catastrophes, once caught and is shown in the torch light, alas, is but a child! grotesquely grown from years of negligence, with features familiar yet unrecognisable, that same human child we once was, who survived from being buried alive! what's that hump on his back? that years of untruth told on his behalf. you think you are safely perched around your spider's web gorging down corpses of your past... let the wind not come plead wtih the mind to please please stop groping around with a stick! the beautiful lies that keep you safe, is but as fragile as the spider's web in an inner storm once it collapses oh you miserable beautiful creature! might have to start weaving all over again, Make sure it's the same lies! just different in design! 7 April all is perfect as it is...Now, this day, For the FIRST time in my life, I am truly grateful I am not your knock out kind of beauty. (and I am not having an issue here, dear C, ^_^) I mean, for the first time in my life, I am acutally GRATEFUL for my quieter kind of beauty that takes time and heart and maybe soul to know and to become endeared. Up until this present moment I have been grudging God for not being "beautiful", for I am a sucker for beautiful things, my "weakness" if you wish to call it so. Today I see, How else would I have been left alone to really get to know Me if my look kept a string of suiters at my toe, forever blinding me with distractions. I would have been too busy being "loved" and "admired" to see past my own skin. It is good that I do not draw so much attention to myself, I mean, it is PERFECT!! or I would be still lost not knowing the I on the surface from the I on the deep I would have no time nor peace to listen to the chatters of my mind, oh, that insane chatterer, that mouth peice of Ego, babbling so hard to keep us bound to this world, babbling so hard in case that we should at a tiniest instant of total quietness steal a glimps into the soul the one that does not speak the one that does not speak waits and anything you hear in your head belongs to the chatter box of the mind the ego that's so eager to keep you bound to this world therefor the more blankness in your mind the more quietness between chatters the closer you get to the exit door and if ever the soul sould speak you do not hear it in your head you hear it in your entire being our head is our biggest illusion the face included of course and apparently, we do not even "see" with our physical eyes!! what a lie! that head of ours. if we had been an entire generation of headless beings we would have been closer to deliverance and liberation! how to see past the appearance of the beautiful, the ugly, the grotesque remains an unaccomplished task: how do we teach our eyes and train our senses to see beyond the guise, suspend all judgement, and perceive true the soul? and who would you love then? if all souls are as one, whom do you insist on loving then, and the other one just won't do? 14 March die to livea new world has come a new you beneath the old it itches and agitates until you shed your skin in a blink of an eye, the dead is young again what is the true meaning of alchemy if it's not this forever resurrection of christ in you and for christ's sake Live! 6 March where you normally laughcrash, bang! how many time do I have to smash into concret or metal or walls or bones to to to what? what's the point of all these hurting and crushing and frustrating? what are you trying to do? if all you want is to make contact i am sure there are far better ways! even though you giggle after each fall and embrace life even firmer, is there really a need to prove that you are invincible? and are you? knock yourself about until all is dented and bruised is this your unconsiousness's sick way of punishing yourself for being alone? or are you just trying to smash your way out of this whole nonesense? i know your mind is closed like sealed lips to the answer of this, yet the servant guarding the secret does it serve Fear or Truth or is it merely doing a job so blindly it has no idea of the thing it guards? do you dare let yourself cry and unveil the blackness that stood between your truth and your wrath? do you dare to cry instead where you normally laugh? 16 February ...當畫筆揮下的一煞那 淚竟不由得流下 是為了什麼 連自己都不懂 這就是繪畫的治癒力嗎？ 自身都已混然遺忘的傷 在毫無戒備的頃刻間 回歸宇宙洪荒 連傷痕 都得到自由 而我也 從此 全新了嗎？ 重生了嗎？ 自由 了 嗎 ？ 15 February xoxoxoWish You an "I LOVE ME" Super Valentine's Day!!!!  Put it this way, if God had given you a lover, you would have loved him/her and forgotten all about loving yourself, wouldn't you? 9 February ....Dave the tractor man came and is digging up some bank so my garden could be a little more coherant. With one single hand he picked up a large and heavy log and sent it hurling some 10 feet away. Things I pondered about moving for the past few months, he moved it in a matter of seconds. The equality between men and weman stops cold when it comes to physical strength and stamina. I feel like a weak bundle of nerves. Yet somehow, this bundle of nerves could command a force as great as the universe itself. I am pondering, it is time I figure out where I want to direct this force. We don't have to be able to move mountains with our own hands, yet we need to know where to direct this force of energy so that things could be moved in a way that's to our liking. 2 February poemThe One Behind It All / vera lin I pondered deep into the pool that's your eyes and fell into the whirling of longing so intense it tore out the senses the trapping of the heart could it be better than the trapping of the mind? either way I was no longer free a mere prisoner of a thing a thing divine is still a thing and not at all in the realm of the gods nor the truth just a thing so lovely it lures its admirer into years of wandering in void devoid of Self lost in love so blind it leads further into darkness is there a hope of escape this blind madness? only until I open my eyes again and start looking for I afterall how could one really see without the eye I will find I first before I could find the one behind it all 24 January Dive NowDive Now /vera lin I am drowning in my mediocrity a sea of dreams lie like bottomless ocean threatening to devour me whole on my crossing how dare you to dream and to tempt the mysterious yet fall short of reaching the shore merely due to your fear of getting yourself wet or killed if you only knew the angry wave will do nothing but duely recede like the meakest of meak servants opon your brave approach "At the edge of the ocean footprints disappear" so dive now into your death and your rebirth shall not be far a way 23 January 一人之三一個人的生活 點點滴滴都耐人尋味 因為無論做什麼都那麼專心 每一個小聲響小色調小插曲都格外的鮮明 雖然自己一人大笑起來 無論怎麼快樂都似乎有點傷心 好似笑得越大聲越凸顯得周遭的寧靜 但是 我的快樂與我的寂寞 都是事實 並不互相底觸 我想 慢慢的 他們會習慣共存 這樣子 我們就有三個人 我 我的快樂 我的寂寞 18 January Mystery in the WoodsThere was a Mystery in the North Forest, they said. And I was dying to find out. I said to my boss I would need a few days off. They asked what for, I said so I could go to the North Forest to find that Mystery the folks were talking about. And they laughed so hard they spilled their cofee all the way down their shirts. "Go along then, my lad, if you must, just don't think you are going to find Anything!" So I packed my backpack and some food I might need and I got someone to drop me off at the edge of the Forest. I had been to the edge of the Forest but never ventured into its secretive heart. The first day I went as far as any human had been before and set the tent right on edge of the part that's already known. I made a little soup and gained courage in its warmth. Tomorrow, I said, I shall venture into the unknown. As I laid sleeping inside my tent that first night, a noise woke me from my sleep. I walked out into the moon-lit night; I could hear a friendly voice calling my name yet I could not see anyone! "You must step over that edge that seperate the known and unknown first," said the voice. I took a step forward and instantly I saw a small elfy man standing on the clearing that's so well lit by the moon. He had a warm smile that dispelled any fear I might have about seeing something so unusual. "Why couldn't I see you before dear fellow?" I would really like to know. "Because peopel could not see things they do not believe. And while you were standing over there you were governed by what most people think they do or do not believe." "And why I could see you once I came over the other side?" I still like to know more. "Because once you are in the clearing you can choose your own belief. And since you are in search of the Mystery you must have some belief in it at the first place therefore you could see me easily." I was about to ask more questions when the elfy man said there was a celebration organized for me in the woods and I must quickly follow him. And before I knew it I was running after the elfy man through dense bush amid giant trees of all discription amid hootings of night owls and grumbling of unkown creatures that the night forest was too dark to reveal. Just when I thought I could run no further, we came into another clearing in the middle of the tallest possible pines and there were creatures of all kinds singing and dancing around a bonfire and all of them greeted me by my name! "How do you all know my name?" "Well, most of us are your neighbours and you don't even know it!" A young fairy like creature with a flower wreathe on her head said sweetly while handing me a glass of juice to drink. "Take me for example," she carried on to say, "you even saved my life while I was dying of thirst by watering me for a whole week during the hottest of the hot summers." She said while pointing at her flower wreathe and I recognized the pink daisies that's been growing all by itself just outside of my front door! "And you saved me from the cat's claws! " said a young elfy boy who suddenly turned into a sparrow and then back to a boy again. " And you always say how beautiful I am so I make sure I fly past your window once a day", said a butterfly with the voice of a maiden. "But how come you never show yourself before?" I asked. "Becasue you could not see things you do not belive exist, and now you are choosing to see anew by coming into the Forest in search of Mystery!" they said in a chorus. With that we laughed, and drank and danced. When we were exhausted from our dancing and singing, they said we must proceed to the pond while Dreams are still around. We took a short walk to a beutiful crystal pond with moon light and stars reflecting upon its mirrow like surface. They bid me to gaze into the pond, but first I must empty my head. "If your head is not empty, your vision will be clouded with preconception instead of what's true." So I tried my best and get rid of any pre concept stacked high in my head. I looked into the pond and find the moon and stars disappered from the surface. Slowly I started to see a beautiful sleeping face of a young maiden and smelt beautiful frangrance of Rose. "This is she who is dreaming of you, only she doesn't now know that it was you who she is dreaming of." "She is a brave young woman who is not afraid of the Mystery and who has also ventured into the woods. In her youthful wisdom she had asked the Mystery to guide her to her beloved. And the Mystery answers by leading you to her. Very soon your paths will cross and you must be ready to go to her with an open heart." "Yes, yes!" a glittering angel like creature burst out very excitedly, "and if your heart is not open she will not be able to see you and will past you by. Then you will not meet until a long long time after." "But, " I said, " how do I keep an open heart?" "By being kind, being brave, and not being afraid of embarrassment, nor having your feelings hurt." I was pondering about this and fell silent, they said, "While there are other Mysteries in the Forest, this will do today." I woke up from inside my tent, feeling truly rested and oddly encouraged. I packed my things and went back to town, only to be laughed at. They said, "You were gone two days, one day to the edge of the forest and the next day to come back. You had not ventured into the Forest at all!" But I didn't mind being taunted at, for only I could know what I had or had not done. Besides, the elfs and fairies and magical creatures were now everywhere I go. Every morning I chatted with the daisy fairies and made sure I paid due compliments to that butterfly who always flew past my window at least once. When I picked veges in the market my elf friends will tell me which one to pick and which one to leave behind because it was planted in a foul mood. When the neighbour's dog was barking all day I was able to tell my neighbour that the poor dog's got a swoolen joint and what kind of herb patch to put on. In no time that dog was running around happily again and rushed to chase the alley cat. One day my magical friend told me that my boss was running a loss and he was about to send me packing. I took my friends' advice and walked into his office to tell him what I truly thought this business could be better run and got myself a promotion instead. And when my Rose come I was ready. I saw her in the Spring Fair 6 months later when she came with her folks from the city. I could see she was well off and even their driver had more air than the town chief. But I was prepared and I was not afraid of being ridiculed. I knew even though my present position was humble I was not too humble to love. Among the cheers of the elfs and fairies I walked up to her and said my name. She was first startled and smiled and agreed to walk with me for a while. Soon after we walked down the aisle and she became my wife. Together we looked forward to the day to venture again into the woods, for more Mystery to reveal Itself. For you who longs for fairies and angelsFor you who longs for fairies and angels TransForm/ vera lin I lies amid sleeping grass and wait for the silver wave of the Moon to bath me in its Magic "Move along dark clouds your time has past" and the Disc re-emerges, shivering in her full Glory Behold! a blessed Instant shall win the battle against Eternity and the slumber that binds me will be no more! oh the kisses of the silver light upon my skin that land like tiny legs of insects that melt my frozen veins that awaken again my Voice are kisses of angels who love me into being...... Once awoken i will sleep no more unless it's tiny little naps taken within the embrace of my Lover who guards my resting moment against Slumber who waits to enslave and engulf whose grasp I only now escape I wake and I take form for I am finally seen by the Silver of the Moon
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